Where are you Christmas?

My pet, my love, my life....it's been a while since we talked and I'm sorry. Things have been happening and I'm struggling a bit tonight on this Christmas eve 2022. I feel like I need to have a good hard cry but I just can't seem to allow it. I lost my sweet Indigo as you seen by the last post. It shattered me so much because he deserved better so much more love, but God had other plans and I know he's with you safe and whole until I come home to you. Then mom had a stroke......December 11, 2022. It shook us all and yet I dealt alone as always. It could've been so much worse than it was and I'm grateful she is still her being her typical obnoxious self. She lost some mobility on her right side but in time she'll get it back. So I guess with back to back heartbreak is why I'm struggling. I can't feel the magic.......have I lost it? Where are you Christmas why can't I feel you? My pet I just have no joy in this winter and I need it oh do I need to feel it to just feel......alive. It's just hard to feel anything right now but I wish I could. I miss him, I miss them all, but oh I miss you so. Skylar is still here and I'm grateful for that. In all this insanity she keeps me going until I can feel again. Now though I'm rambling incoherently so I guess I'll say goodnight my darling. Merry Christmas to all of you and know my heart longs for you for all of you........my heart my love my thoughts forever yours