Happy Hysto-versary to me!!!

My dearest pet, guess what today is? Happy Hysto-versary to me!!!!!!! Confused? Good, hahaha........Today as I write this it is August 28, 2019 which marks exactly 1 year since I had my hysterectomy surgery hence it's my anniversary aka a hysto-versary. A year, it's really been a year and oh the changes I've seen in myself have been remarkable. The biggest change is definitely the fact that I have no more pain, well at least in that area and the migraines are pretty much gone. I'll always have pain because of my myalgic encephalomyelitis disease but that pain I can deal with and adapt. It took some time, healing, and processing for me to get to the point I'm at today. I really and truly feel like a different person a year later, and it makes me stop and realize that I was in more pain and more sick than I realized over the last 21 years of my life (prior to surgery) due to my female problems. I do admit I still have some anger and resentment towards the medical field for letting me go 21 years misdiagnosed. Turns out I have endometriosis (endo) on top of the polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos) and the myalgic encephalomyelitis (me). Yet it is what it is, at least now I know and a good chunk of my pain is gone. So I healed. I moved on. I changed. Oh how I have changed my pet, you'd be surprised how different I am now. Yes there are some who refuse to see it and accept it but frankly I don't care. I no longer care!!!! Yep you read that one right, I truly honestly do not care about so much and so many people. I have basically become very hard hearted and I love it. Things no longer get to me or bug me. I truly feel free and it's a beautiful feeling. I have found myself more and more over this past year and I'm content with how my life is. I may be alone (minus my lady friends) but I am probably about the only one I know who really loves being alone, can handle it, and prefers it (sorry to offend folks but I'm not normal these are my choices for my life). I've mastered walking away from people who no longer benefit my life, people who were playing and using me, and people who showed with their actions that they truly do not care about me despite the pretty words they speak. I've set myself free. My life is by no means perfect but it's mine and it's wonderful for me. I've developed a no care attitude and I literally let things just roll right off my back because I'm no longer stressed or worried about things that are beyond my control. I can breath. I can stand with my head held high and be proud. I do still keep my mouth shut when my head would love to scream at people but I know the best reaction is no reaction because most often that's exactly what people want is a reaction and I refuse to give that to them. My energy levels are more depleted since surgery, the dreaded hot flashes of menopause have finally showed, and I've gained weight but hey if three negatives is all I ended up with then I'll take it. I feel more confident, more assured of myself. I please only me and not the world and before these changes I was the opposite. Before I was meek, timid, thought I had to be what everyone wanted, I hurt, I was sick so very sick, and I was a complete and utter mess. Not now, because now I am me. I can do anything and be anything. I can live freely and not be stuck in a bed praying to die. As long as my ME illness stays in check I can avoid the bed ridden life, the worst case for that illness is exactly that a bed ridden life and I refuse it. I fight. I live. I still have a long ways to go on this path of self discovery but for now I'm happy with the great strides I've made over this last year. My only regret is not pushing doctors harder to have gotten this life changing surgery sooner, but again it is what it is and at least it's done. I'm 36 years old now and I'm finally living a life that I can be happy with the day I take my last breath on this earthly world. I may still do more, become more, who knows because the possibilities are endless. I can keep rattling on and on about how different I feel and how happy I am my pet but I think this post is getting too lengthy so I'm going to end it here. Happy, free, and just me. The attached photos are of the day of my surgery to one year later. Can you see the change in my eyes? I know you can my pet and that's why I love you so........we shall speak again another day another time.

Here's the facts.......

My pet I think you're the one who will appreciate this post the most because I'm sticking up for myself.......so here's the facts.........My name is Amy. I am a 35 year old woman, I am not a child nor am I a young adult therefore I wish not to pretend to be or to act as something I'm not. I choose me and will respect myself at all costs even if it means losing people from my life. I am a changed person and the things I used to do to please people I no longer desire those behaviors. You need examples.....fine......here they are....I won't pretend to be young because I'm not, I will not go outta my way to make someone happy only to be miserable myself I had two unhappy marriages by doing that. I will not be the girl who is only valued for sex and her body, I will only be valued for my mind and personality cause I've done played that part and I felt cheap. So yes I will constantly try to stop anyone from making me feel that way again. Yes I tend to fall into old habits and start acting and behaving with people how I think they want me to so they'll like me and that's something I'm desperately trying to stop. Those are enough examples for now. I will also be determined to stop people from leading me on and playing with my heart it's still fragile as I am still learning who this new me is. I need respect and understanding. I need support and to be accepted as I am. I don't want to be falsely thought of or treated as something I'm not. I need people to willingly let me voice myself without getting angry, upset, or hurt by it cause if you do then let me go because I'm not changing myself for anyone ever again. This is me, my life, my time to finally live and be happy with who I am and to speak up for myself without always getting negative attitudes. I want true adult relationships, I really think I need that. There's too much youngsters in my life that I need adult connections and yes I'm looking at my options and getting a plan in place that will be best for me. This is all for me and what's best for me. If some day I find myself open and willing to be involved with someone then I want true commitment not just be one of many who get flirted with. I will want total honesty and support. I would expect to be wanted for me and not what's on my body. I would hope they will understand and accept my limitations to what I'm comfortable with and what makes me uncomfortable, that being said is why ultimately I think for me a single solitary life is the only life for me. It's just getting people to see that I'm quite happy with that because by judging this post, it's obvious people expect outta me things I can not give. It is what it is, life has changed me drastically and that is the biggest fact of all. Those who once knew me really don't know me at all now. It's just frustrating right now but it will pass. Ok I think I've vented enough to calm down. Thank you my pet for listening to me, I really don't know what I'd do without you my greatest treasure. Till next time.......